Some #Halloween Funnies

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I’d share some Halloween Funnies with you.

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A zombie was roaming through the woods looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book the other was typing away on his typewriter. The zombie quickly pounced on the man reading the book and started to devour him. Because even a brain-dead zombie knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in human waste up to their necks. The guy says “no, let me see the next room.” In the second room, people are standing with human waste up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with human waste up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, “I pick this room.” Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, “Okay., coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!”

A witch’s werewolf has a problem so she takes him to the vet’s. The vet looks at the werewolf and says he’ll have to take him to the examining room. In the examining room, he takes a black cat out of a cage and lets the black cat walk all over the werewolf, but the werewolf doesn’t do anything. The doctor says, “Your werewolf is dead.” The witch then goes out to the receptionist and asks for her bill. “That’ll be $666,” says the receptionist. “What! $666? How’s that possible?” “It’s $66 for the consultation and $600 for the Cat scan.”

Three guys run into a museum to hide from the hoard of zombies coming down the road. While looking for something to eat and drink one of the survives finds a golden lamp and out pops a genie roaring out “You can have three wishes. So what is the first wish?” One man says ” I want to go back to my family before the zombie apocalypse and I want it to never happen,” The second man says “that sounds great I wish for that, too” And puff the two men were gone. The front door of the museum just broke in with the weight of all the zombies pushing on it. Now, the museum is filling up fast with zombies.  The genie asks the last man what he wishes for. He thinks about it quickly then says ” I wish my two friends were back here to help fight off all these zombies.”